


The Question I Won't Speak

by DefaltManifesto



Series: GTOP Kink Series [3]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Blow Job Training, Blow Jobs, Dildos, Dom/sub Play, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Kink Exploration, M/M, Praise Kink, Safeword Use, Subdrop, Subspace, light humiliation kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: "You have much more patience than I do,” Jiyong says.For a moment, Seunghyun says nothing. Then his lips curl in a smirk. “Maybe that’s why you have so much trouble with blow jobs. No patience to learn.”Jiyong smacks his chest and pushes at him when he clings tighter. “We were having a moment and you ruined it. Unhand me.”“Stop being dramatic, Princess,” Seunghyun says, and Jiyong can feel the curve of his smile as he kisses at his neck. “If you want to suck my cock so bad, we’ll make it happen.”





	The Question I Won't Speak

**Author's Note:**

> This fic took several turns I wasn't expecting but here it is. It's here. It's definitely a different type of fic from the last one but don't worry, it's still happy at the end don't let the tags scare you. Title from After Dark by Mr Kitty which is honestly the vibe of this fic if I'm honest. Find me on twitter @ defaltmanifesto. Comments are loved. Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you're a Seungri Stan, fuck off cuz I think you're disgusting

Jiyong isn’t that great at sucking dick, which is kind of embarrassing considering how he’s built his image to make it seem like he’d be good in bed. Not that he’s bad in bed – Seunghyun seems to enjoy himself. But the longer they mess around together, the more Jiyong realizes that it just…doesn’t seem to be something he’s good at.

He gags and pulls back, glaring at Seunghyun’s cock as if that would somehow make this easier. Seunghyun’s fingers scratch at his scalp a moment before twisting through his bangs and pulling his head back so Jiyong has to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know why you’re so determined to get me off like this,” he says. “It’s clearly not pleasant for you.”

Jiyong sniffs, expression turning haughty. “I am not going to _accept_ that I can’t give a good blow job.”

Seunghyun laughs, then releases his grip on Jiyong’s hair and leans back in his chair as he laughs even harder. Jiyong wants to be offended but…it is a bit absurd. After taking a moment to compose himself, Seunghyun tucks his now soft dick back in his pants before grabbing Jiyong’s arm and hauling him up into his lap. It’s a tight fit in the narrow chair but it just gives him an excuse to press close and tuck his face against Seunghyun’s neck.

"Well if you’re going to be like that, I guess I’ll never try to suck you off again,” Jiyong says.

“You don’t have to,” Seunghyun says. “I’ve never had a blowjob before so I wouldn’t be missing it.”

“I keep forgetting you were a virgin before me,” Jiyong says, leaning back and giving him a lewd smile.

Seunghyun flushes, eyes looking up to the ceiling. “I came so fast, it wasn’t obvious?”

“I mean I did too,” Jiyong says. “I thought it was just…over eagerness for us both.” He frowns. “Why no one else? You could’ve kept it private if that’s what you wanted.”

He had after all, and his history was a colorful mess of bad decisions. If he could keep it mostly private, someone like Seunghyun who would be more selective certainly could.

“There was never anyone else,” Seunghyun says with a shrug, lowering his gaze back down to look at him. “You all figured I just didn’t want to talk about how attractive people were which worked for me because I never found anyone else attractive.”

Whatever lingering frustration Jiyong had about his lack of sexual prowess melted away at the words. He knew that this wasn’t just messing around, that it had only ever been him for Seunghyun and honestly, it was a lot to process.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jiyong says.

Seunghyun shrugs, gaze evasive once more. “It didn’t seem right to bring it up. You seemed to enjoy your lifestyle and I didn’t want to disrupt it so I figured if it never happened, I’d eventually move on.”

"You have much more patience than I do,” Jiyong says.

For a moment, Seunghyun says nothing. Then his lips curl in a smirk. “Maybe that’s why you have so much trouble with blow jobs. No patience to learn.”

Jiyong smacks his chest and pushes at him when he clings tighter. “We were having a moment and you ruined it. Unhand me.”

“Stop being dramatic, Princess,” Seunghyun says, and Jiyong can feel the curve of his smile as he kisses at his neck. “If you want to suck my cock so bad, we’ll make it happen.”

Jiyong tenses, arousal warming his stomach and making his hips jerk of their own accord, grinding against Seunghyun’s stomach. His mind spins all sorts of ideas. Training to take it, practicing on his knees while Seunghyun coos praise at him, practicing on toys, on-

“Yeah, fuck, Princess rub off right on me just like that,” Seunghyun says, voice lowering to something close to a growl.

His hand slides up his neck and back into his hair, tilting Jiyong’s head to the side so he can press their lips together. Jiyong twists his fingers through Seunghyun’s hair, clinging just as tight. It isn’t long before Seunghyun’s hard beneath him and Jiyong rolls his hips in a close parody of fucking that has them both gasping. They both come fast, making a mess of their pants. Jiyong wants to be embarrassed, but it’s hard when Seunghyun looks just as flushed as he is.

 “So…” Seunghyun says as Jiyong detaches himself and shimmies out of his pants. “I need to look some things up.”

“Like what?” Jiyong asks as he heads down the hall to the bedroom in search of cleaner clothes.

“Well we haven’t exactly been having vanilla sex,” Seunghyun calls after him. “I don’t want to go into this blind.”

Which…was a valid point. Jiyong had quite a bit of experience but he’d never formally played with anyone and while he knew what subspace was and knew he had reached it with Seunghyun at least twice, he didn’t really know what he was doing either. He tugs on silk sleep pants and heads back out to the living room. Seunghyun stands at the kitchen stink, dirty boxers on the floor, pants around his thighs and hands cleaning up his dick with wash cloth. Jiyong hides a stupid smile behind the back of his hand as he approaches. He likes that it’s like this. He likes that neither of them have to worry about keeping up appearances, not like he had to with everyone before Seunghyun.

“You could change,” Jiyong says, leaning against the counter as Seunghyun finishes up and tosses the damp cloth on his boxers.

“I don’t have any clean clothes here,” Seunghyun says.

“Excuses,” Jiyong says with a dismissive hand wave before pulling Seunghyun in for a quick kiss. “Thank you. For wanting to read more so we do this the right way.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Seunghyun says with a shrug. “You’re important. You deserve the best.”

Jiyong shakes his head. “Careful, I’ll get a big head if you keep inflating my ego with talk like that.”

Seunghyun gives him a hard look, the kind of look that says he sees right through him. Jiyong sucks in a tight breath and reflexively tucks his bangs back again before turning back towards the couch.

“Come on,” Jiyong says. “My show is on soon.”

 

-.-

 

Seunghyun gets a package delivered to Jiyong’s apartment with strict instructions sent by text not to open it without him. He’s at a photoshoot for…something. Jiyong can’t remember what because he’s too busy staring at the package sitting on his kitchen counter as he tries to cook dinner.

They’d both done their reading. Jiyong has a list of things he wants to try at some point and a list of things he won’t touch with a ten-foot pole. He hasn’t seen Seunghyun’s yet, but he has a feeling they’ll be close. If anything, Seunghyun will be more vanilla. They’ve flirted with the idea of humiliation, and Jiyong has a feeling this “training” idea of theirs will go further into that realm. It makes him nervous, sure, but he knows now that no matter what they do Seunghyun won’t really think less of him. That, more than anything, makes him wiling tot ry.

He’s just finished cleaning the dishes when he hears keys jingle and then the lock to his apartment twists open. Seunghyun walks in kicking his shoes off and dropping his back by the door. Jiyong doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Seunghyun face plants onto the couch and gives an overdramatic groan that pulls Jiyong’s diva tendencies to shame.

"Have fun, dear?” Jiyong asks.

“Why does everyone want to see me shirtless?” Seunghyun asks, flopping over onto his back.

“Because you’re gorgeous. Did you eat?” Jiyong asks.

"Yes dear,” Seunghyun says in a mockery of Jiyong’s earlier tone.

Jiyong rolls his eyes and grabs the box off the counter before waking over to him and setting it on the end table. “This should cheer you up.”

 Seunghyun sits up in a hurry, then stops and flushes, hand rubbing at the back of his neck. “Don’t laugh.”

“I promise,” Jiyong says, perching on the arm of the nearby chair.

Seunghyun opens it and pulls out a slimmer black box tied with purple ribbon. Inside that is well…a line of progressively larger dildos, complete with an attachable suction piece to help it stick to whatever they wanted. They’re of varying colors – neon blue, pink, purple, and finally red. Jiyong can feel sweat beading on his brow as a flush swamps his face.

“Seunghyun,” he says, unable to take his gaze away from the display before him.

“Yes Jiyong?”

“Did you buy me expensive dildos to practice blow jobs on?”

“Yes Jiyong.”

“Huh.” Jiyong reaches out and grabs the first one, light blue and only a few inches long. “Well, I guess we should try them out.”

 

-.-

 

It’s not that Jiyong has a small mouth, he just has an easily triggered gag reflex. Plus, while it had been hot in theory, in practice he feels nothing but nerves as he sits between Seunghyun’s knees on the floor as Seunghyun picks up the first dildo. He swallows and opens his mouth, letting Seunghyun slide in the tip over his tongue. He has to close his eyes. Looking at Seunghyun is too much for his brain to take.

The fake cock tastes of silicone as Seunghyun slides it back and forth over his tongue, getting it wet, before Jiyong seals his lips around it and gives a light suck. He reaches up and rests his hands on Seunghyun’s knees, squeezing at them as he bobs his head just a little, taking in another half inch before stopping because already just that alone activates his gag reflex without even touching it.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Seunghyun says. “Open your eyes and look at me.” He pulls the dildo away as Jiyong does so. “Good, now open your mouth, wide as you can, stick your tongue out, and don’t move.”

Jiyong takes a deep breath and lets the words wash over him, fingers curling a top Seunghyun’s knees as he obeys. Seunghyun rests the tip of the dildo on his tongue and slides it back and forth but never giving him more than an inch. It’s frustrating. Jiyong wants to stop and tell him he can do this and just go for it, but Seunghyun never stops the careful slide back and forth and before long, he can feel the comforting buzz starting in the back of his brain.

“There you go, a little more now,” Seunghyun says as Jiyong’s eyes slide shut.

Seunghyun gives him another half inch and resumes the hypnotic thrusting motion as drool gathers on his tongue and begins to spill. Instinct has him reaching up to wipe it but Seunghyun smacks his hand back down.

"No, I want you to make a mess,” Seunghyun says. “Show me how desperate you are for it.”

Jiyong gasps out a garbled noise, fingers grabbing at Seunghyun’s knees as arousal rocks through him hard and fast, humiliation and pleasure chasing each other through his brain in an endless spiraling loop. Seunghyun waits for him to compose himself before starting again. His breath comes in pants, fingers curling and uncurling as his own cock hardens in his pants, pressing against his fly, and moments later he feels the splatter of his own drool on his crotch.

A moan escapes him as the feelings consume his brain. The humiliation…he didn’t realize he wanted it so bad until now, because now he’s swimming in it and it’s the worst and best thing he’s ever felt. Looking up at Seunghyun and seeing the intensity of how much he fucking _loves_ Jiyong while he drools all over himself as Seunghyun eases the fake cock halfway into his mouth and back out again is so much.

Too much.

He taps out their safe signal on Seunghyun’s knee.

Seunghyun pulls the dildo out and sets it aside before sinking off the couch and pulling Jiyong into his arms.

“What are you thinking?” Seunghyun asks.

Jiyong shakes his head, words too far away in his thoughts to be spoken out loud. He tucks his face in Seunghyun’s neck and shakes, the feelings in him spiraling around and finally leaving him with each breath. Seunghyun’s hands slide up and down his back, soothing strokes that help him even out his breathing. He feels foolish. He was having fun, he was enjoying it, but for some reason it was just suddenly too much.

“I should be able to push through anything,” Jiyong mumbles after a long moment.

“This is supposed to be enjoyable, not something you push through,” Seunghyun says. “What was it?”

 Jiyong keeps his eyes closed. It makes it easier to say. “I want the humiliation but it was too much. Too good.”

“Ah,” Seunghyun says. “You looked really good, taking it. Letting me do what I want. You don’t have to be ashamed of it.”

“I wanted to though.” He forces the words out and clings tighter, holding his breath as he waits for Seunghyun to push him away.

“That’s okay,” Seunghyun says without a beat of hesitation. “That isn’t something you have to be ashamed of either.”

Jiyong pulls back, wiping his face with the back of his hand before wrinkling his nose and using his sleeve. “You’re too perfect. This is that part where you’re supposed to reject me and say I’m too much work.”

“Jiyong…” Seunghyun cups his face and draws him close, foreheads pressed together. “I love you. I’ve loved you for years. Nothing like this could make me push you away.”

He’s known that. Hearing the words is different though, comforting in a way nothing else ever had been. They don’t speak after that, just hold onto each other until Seunghyun decides they’re both steady enough to stand. He guides Jiyong to the shower and they stand under the spray together, hands wandering over one another’s bodies with no intention to clean, only to get warm. Seunghyun’s fingers slide down his arms and all it does is remind him of when Seunghyun had spent time massaging each ache in his arms.

The memory helps solidify that Seunghyun cares. Seunghyun loves him and no kink, no matter how Jiyong feels about it, will ever make him leave. Jiyong pushes his hair back and presses a quick kiss to Seunghyun’s lips before turning the water off and stepping out, head feeling significantly clearer. They dry one another off and Seunghyun helps him into one of his silk robes before grabbing one of his own. Once they’re back in his bedroom, buried under the covers and pressed together, the last bit of tension finally leaves him.

“I want to try it again,” Jiyong says, voice soft in the safety of the dark. “But…without as much humiliation.”

Seunghyun presses a kiss to his forehead. “We can do that.”

 

-.-

 

It takes a while for Jiyong to work up the courage to try again. He hides in the recording studio writing and working through his tangle of emotions in the process and while he’s certain most of the demos won’t ever see the light of day, he doesn’t really mind. Creating is therapy.

When he gets home late the fifth night in a row, he’s finally put it all to rest.

“I’m ready to try again,” he says as he crawls into bed alongside Seunghyun.

"You don’t have to be,” Seunghyun says, threading his fingers through Jiyong’s hair before trailing them over his jaw. “If you never want to try this again, I’d be okay with it. You don’t have to force yourself.”

“I want to,” Jiyong says. “I’m just…scared of how much I like it. But I trust you.”

“Alright,” Seunghyun says. “Let me think about how to make it better first. It scared me, seeing you upset and I want to do what I can to avoid it from happening in the future. That’s my responsibility.”

Jiyong nods. “I get that now. Giving up control…it’s hard.”

“Being in control is hard,” Seunghyun says with a small, uncertain smile. “We all rely on you for everything and I know it weighs on you. This doesn’t have to be on your plate. I want to take that burden for you.”

“A service to me,” Jiyong says.

“Yes, but because I love you,” Seunghyun says. “For anyone else, it wouldn’t be fulfilling. In a way, I suppose it isn’t even a burden for me the way it feels that way for you. Just trust me.”

“I will. I do.”

 

-.-

 

It takes a few tries, a few failed attempts. Each time it goes well, something happens to overwhelm Jiyong and he has to call it to a stop. But this…this is perfect.

Seunghyun’s arm is a heavy weight across his bare stomach, securing his back to Seunghyun’s chest. His other hand holds the toy at just the right angle for Jiyong to work with his lips at a leisurely pace, controlling how much he takes and when as he works himself up to more. Like this, Seunghyun can’t see his face. The intensity of what he’s doing is dialed back, but he doesn’t miss the encouragement, not when he has Seunghyun’s lips pressed to his ear.

“You’re getting so good at that Princess,” Seunghyun says, teeth grazing the curve of his left ear. His hand slides up to pass over one nipple, then the other, before sliding back down. “Almost all the way to the base.”

Jiyong’s hips jerk up, the leaking tip of his cock tapping his stomach where Seunghyun’s hand had been moments before. He slides his tongue out, barely reaching the base. He wants to please Seunghyun, wants to get the whole thing in his mouth without gagging this time to make up for last time, even though it’s not like Seunghyun would be disappointed. Long fingers wrap around his cock and he whines, gasping, around the fake cock in his mouth.

Seunghyun pulls it out, letting him catch his breath as his other hand jacks Jiyong hard and fast and dry for a few tense seconds that have Jiyong shaking in his arms. Seunghyun lets go and Jiyong can’t help but yank at his own hair in frustration. They’d been going at it for what felt like hours now and his arousal was at the forefront of his mind more than the training at this point. He wanted to do a good job so he could come. Not that Seunghyun said he wouldn’t be able to if he couldn’t do it, but Jiyong wants to _earn_ it.

“I can do it next time,” Jiyong says. “Let me try.”

“Take a few more deep breaths for me, relax,” Seunghyun says, voice low and firm against his throat.

Jiyong obeys even though impatience doesn’t even begin to cover how he feels. Seunghyun sets the dildo aside in exchange for grabbing the lube and spilling some out on his hand before wrapping it back around Jiyong’s cock. He jerks, oversensitive from all the earlier playing. He likes it though, and Seunghyun knows he does so he doesn’t stop. At least, not until Jiyong’s moments from coming.

“Fuck…” Jiyong swallows around his own moan as he stares down at his cock, flushed and dripping.

“Ready to try again?” Seunghyun asks, picking the toy back up.

Jiyong nods and opens his mouth, sinking into Seunghyun’s warm weight as it slides back in. He bobs his head down, throat clenching even though it’s nowhere near touching. He slides back, tongue flicking over the tip mostly to put on a show and it must work because Seunghyun’s arm clenches tighter around his waist and he gets a low muttered curse in his ear for the trouble.

On his next pass, his throat stays relaxed and he pauses before working the last little bit into his mouth. He holds it, tongue slipping over the silicone balls. It should be ridiculous that he sees this as such a fucking accomplishment, it doesn’t even touch the back of his mouth, but he does anyways.

“There you go, Princess. Fucking perfect,” Seunghyun says.

He pulls the toy out and flips them before Jiyong can process another thought, slick hand jacking Jiyong’s cock hard and fast as he kisses the breath from his lungs. Jiyong comes with a whine as Seunghyun yanks at his hair and bites at his neck, the pleasure tinged with the light pain in a way that makes his whole body feel electric. He’s breathless when Seunghyun pulls back. All he can do is stare with a dazed smile as Seunghyun sits on his thighs and pumps his own cock through the slit of his pajama pants, not even bothering to take them off.

His come splatters over Jiyong’s spent cock. The thought of it, the territorial claim of it, makes his stomach swoop low with a heady feeling he’s too out of it to name. For a long few moments, the only sound is both of them trying to catch their breath, Seunghyun bracing over him with one hand before he eases down just a little further to press their lips together in a slow kiss.

“Was it good?” Jiyong asks, lips bumping against Seunghyun’s as he speaks.

"So good, Princess. Always so good,” Seunghyun says. He gives Jiyong another quick peck before rolling off him and out of the bed.

Jiyong admires the curve of his ass through his silk pajama bottoms as he walks to the bathroom, laughing when Seunghyun catches him when he turns back around.

“Like what you see?” Seunghyun asks, waggling his eyebrows.

“I always like what I see when I look at you,” Jiyong says, then flushes and covers his mouth, rolling away from him. He hadn’t meant for those words to come out.

Seunghyun cleans himself up and then tugs at Jiyong’s shoulder so he’s laying on his back again. He starts with Jiyong’s face, using the clean side to wipe up the drool. He makes quick work of it, even though his touch remains gentle, and Jiyong isn’t sure what he must’ve done to deserve something so good, so perfect.

He wraps himself around Seunghyun as soon as returns to bed, grumbling when Seunghyun pushes him away long enough to work them both under the covers. Seunghyun just smiles and kisses him.

Jiyong smiles.


End file.
